As my visibility as a death coach grew, I kept getting questions about grief. It became a theme. A familiar refrain. A current that wove its way through my work.
I had some baseline knowledge but I was thirsty to learn more. I wanted to be able to meet my clients where they were – at any point along their grief journey.
After some research (who are we kidding, I went down a major Google rabbit hole), I discovered The Grief Recovery Method® (GRM) and I was immediately hooked (much the same way I felt when I discovered Brené Brown). I’m proud to say I’m now a Grief Recovery Specialist® and am beyond excited to be able to share these tools with my clients!
Death and grief are obviously entwined but they’re also often confused. We grieve so much more than just death. In fact, there are over 40 different forms of loss that can inspire feelings of grief.
Here are just a few…
- Death of a loved one
- Change in health (for yourself or a loved one)
- Loss of a job
- Loss of pregnancy (ie. stillbirth or miscarriage)
- Pet loss
- Changes in finances
- Loss of childhood
How can The Grief Recovery Method® help?
The purpose of the GRM is to rediscover the ability within yourself to transform the quality of your life so you can complete your emotional relationship with a loved one who has died (or your relationship with any other kind of loss).
Grief is a normal reaction to loss.
Grief can take many shapes such as . . .
- Difficulty concentrating
- Changes in routine
- Waves of emotions
- Physical/emotional exhaustion
- Excessive worry/panic
- Outbursts of anger
- Frequent crying
- Overuse of alcohol/drugs/other substances
- Physical/emotional isolation
There are no “stages” of grief.
You are a unique individual who will experience grief in your own unique and individual way. All emotions are natural and welcome.
There is no “closure”.
“Closure” means putting your relationship in a box and forgetting about it. The relationship will continue forever – we’re just completing the pain. That completion will allow you to move forward and find acceptance for the new form the relationship has taken.
Completion can mean gaining new skills for coping with and processing your grief. It can be about confronting old myths around grief or the relationship you lost. It can mean unravelling unhelpful patterns of grieving and finding new ways to support yourself. It can ask you to examine and acknowledge the ways grief has impacted your life and discover practices that will help soothe the pain.
Grief is as individual as love. – Megan Divine
Why I love The Grief Recovery Method®. . .
Action is necessary to heal grief. Fear can paralyze us in our suffering if we don’t take action to heal. Action is the antidote to fear.
Grief counselling (or therapy) provides you with a safe space to talk about what was lost and how you feel (important, yes!). But talking without action can start to feel like you’re dwelling on the pain. Reliving it. Spinning your wheels. Keeping the wound fresh.
GRM provides space to examine the stories AND helps you discover the steps you need to take to move through your loss and find forward momentum.
GRM pairs person-centred values with practices that are informed by and grounded in research and proven to be effective in helping you find your way through the grieving process.
GRM was developed for grievers by grievers. It’s been translated into 15 different languages and used in more than 20 countries around the world (the woman next to me in training was from Guam!)
They’ve been doing this work for more than 40 years. Which means they have evidence to show that it works (thanks to Dr. Nolan at Kent University!) And it supports the WHOLE person (knowledge, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours).
Time doesn’t heal all wounds.
SPOILER ALERT: your pain won’t go away if you ignore it or distract yourself with the busyness of life. The good news is The Grief Recovery Method® works if your loss is fresh AND it works if your loss is decades old. #nevertoosoon #nevertoolate Pain is pain. You can heal. You deserve healing. You just need to believe that you can heal. And all I need is for just 1% of you to believe that’s possible. Can you give me 1%?
Your Warrior Heart
Do this with me…
Take out a blank piece of paper and draw a line lengthwise across the middle. Got it?
Now write down all the losses you’ve experienced so far. Big ones. Little ones. From the loss of your favourite stuffed animal as a child to the death of a loved one. Every time you moved. Every job you left. Every relationship that ended or maybe the dream of one that never got off the ground. Scroll back up to that list I provided earlier with examples of the 40 types of losses.
Each of these losses (big and small) can feel like little deaths. Letting go of a part of yourself. Letting go of another. Each requiring forgiveness and compassion. AND YOU HAVE SURVIVED THEM ALL.
You’re still here. Your warrior’s heart is still beating strong.
If any of your losses still feel painful, still achy, still bring waves of emotion…it’s time to take action to heal. And I would love to help.
I’m organizing a Grief Recovery Method® workshop for the fall. If you’d like to be on the waitlist send me a note at hello at innertravelcoaching dot com (<< I know, annoying but the bots are ridiculous!) and I’ll be sure to send you all the details as I work them out.
If you don’t want to wait (#nevertooson #nevertoolate). . .
Or you can get a head start on your healing by developing practices that will support you through your grief with Do Death Differently.
In fact, let’s do a healing practice together…Right Here, Right Now. . .
Breathe with me. One of my favourite breathing techniques is called Box Breathing. Here’s how it works. . .
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
Exhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold for a count of 4.
Repeat the whole process 3x.
Connecting with our breath is one of the fastest and easiest ways to move into the present moment. To get the hell outta our heads and into our hearts and bodies.
Remember, action is the antidote to fear. Action is necessary for healing your grief. And action can be as simple as taking a deeeeep breath.
May your grief move through you with more grace – less suffering.
With all my love and compassion,